 |
 The
Preacher And The Elderly Lady
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A preacher visits an elderly woman from his congregation. As he sits on the couch, he notices a large bowl of peanuts on the coffee table. "Mind if I have a few?", he asks.
"No, not at all", the woman replied. They chat for an hour and as the preacher stands to leave, he realizes that instead of eating just a few peanuts, he emptied most of the bowl. "I'm so sorry for eating all your peanuts! I really just meant to eat a few", the preacher apologized.
"Oh that's alright", the woman replied. "Ever since I lost my teeth, all I can do is suck the chocolate off them". | |
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Favourite
Slang
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In the 1950's teen-agers used slang words like "cool
man", "way out", and "chicks". The decade of the 60's brought us "groovy" or "far out man". Guys were "studs" and girls were
"babes". When the 70's came around the slang took on a different sound with "home boy" and "sister". As the 80's slid by I couldn't understand when something was good they said it was "bad".
In the 90's, if someone went nuts and lost their temper they are said to have "gone postal".
The new language for the next century belongs to the peanut. The new craze is peanut-ease.
Someone that has died on the operating table and been revived is said to
have had an "out of shell experience".
A person with a bad sun burn is "roasted and salted".
A really sexy girl is "hot and spicy"
A nudist colony is a "blanched village".
If you're depressed and want to be left alone you're said to have "gone
in-shell".
The language of the peanut is here to stay so enjoy life and "keep your honey glazed side up". | |
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The
Bar Scene
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A man walks into a bar - he sits down and orders a drink. The barman
gives him his drink, accompanied by a bowl of peanuts. To his
surprise, a voice comes from the peanut bowl. "You look great
tonight!" it said, "You really look fantastic... and that aftershave
is just wonderful!"
The man is obviously a little confused, but tries to ignore it.
Realizing he has no cigarettes he wanders over to the cigarette
machine. After inserting his money, another voice emits from the
machine. "You're a TOTAL JERK... And you STINK... Do you know,
you're almost AS UGLY AS YOUR MOTHER!"
By now, the man is extremely perplexed. He turns to the barman for an
explanation. "Ah yes sir," the barman responds, "The peanuts are
complimentary, but the cigarette machine is out of order."
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